10.23.08

Broken

Posted in General at 1:53 am by Nick

Alas, it has been a while for an update. Often times at work or while I’m walking on campus I come across topics I would like to talk about, and yet most nights I can’t bring myself to do anything at my computer. I’m not sure why, but I don’t play games. I don’t instant message. I don’t even Facebook anymore. This past summer broke those habits, and though I am not at my computer as much I pay for not being as connected and e-social as I once was.

I dropped two of my classes. One was in the works since the beginning of the semester (unfortunately, it was also one of my most interesting classes), and the other was a lecture class I really did like to attend. With my flaky performance and attendance record (not to mention family and health problems), I decided I needed to minimize the damage to my GPA. I figured I would redouble my efforts in my remaining classes, but so far I have done so with lackluster results.

I am extremely disappointed in myself. I know I’m better then this. I know I’m smarter then the grades I am getting. And I know I can do more. I hate saying things like that because I don’t like to wallow in self pity or make excuses. I’m not doing well, and I need to fix it. It is as simple as that. And yet I can’t help but feel there is something more inherent, yet intangible and elusive, that needs fixing. I don’t know what that is, but I wish I could find out. I went into this week extremely energetic and excited to try and turn things around, and here it is 2am Thursday and I can’t get anything done.

I thought maybe it was my ambition. Where did my ambition go? I used to have such academic zeal. I later realized I have plenty of ambition, it just so happens that none of it lies with school. I want to learn to play the guitar and the piano. I want to go skydiving and learn to fly a plane. I want to write code and find a good job. I want to invest in stocks, plan finances, and work towards retirement.

While the end justifies the means for school, I can’t help but feel I could be learning more faster if I did more work on my own. The academic bullshit of college drives me nuts. True learning isn’t about tests, quiz’s, or even homework. It is about learning and understanding concepts that you can apply elsewhere. Thus, what good is it for me to work on a programming assignment for six hours when I know none of the code I wrote will be useful elsewhere? Perhaps this is why I am doing well in my Bio lab. It is one hour a week, and it is about applying our biological knowledge to various situations.

My summer internship played a role in breaking me. To be told that I’m good enough (or better) to do a job, but be denied that opportunity because I lack a stamped piece of paper is immensely frustrating to me. I understand what a degree represents, but I also feel like an active demonstration of abilities should count for more. In job adds I always see lines saying they’ll accept a mix between education and experience… why don’t I fit into that category? I think it was also the best learning experience I had. I would wager I learned more during my time at Lockheed then I will have learned over most of college. I’m not going to get that real world hands on experience in an academic setting.

If dropping to part time (which I’m not happy about) doesn’t change things then I’m going to have to make a more drastic move. I have given a lot of thought to joining the Air Force. The only disadvantage I can see is being away from family, which is part of this stage in life anyway. Worst case I would end up back in this situation a few years from now with more money and better experience. In a good scenario I could obtain my degree for relatively little and then find a job, or better yet, get promoted to officer and serve my time. This is attractive to me for many reasons. I have felt a strong connection with the military, and it is something I do actually want to be part of. I think it is something everyone my age should be a part of. It helps teach discipline, work ethic, management and a healthy life style. All of those are things that are lacking from most people in my age group, and to me it merely isn’t enough to obtain those skills by meandering through life. If I were to accept a commission and serve my twenty years, I’d be forty and I would be able to decide what career I would like to have while maintaining a certain degree of financial stability that is impossible to find elsewhere. Overall, if by around this time next year I still feel this way with my mitigating changes, I will probably enlist.

I know I had more to say on everything that has been running through my mind, but it is late and I will go to sleep. Perhaps I will expand this another time.

Helping

Posted in Computer Science, General at 1:47 am by Nick

Moving my help sessions to Tuesday’s has made a big impact! I was happy to be approached for programming help almost immediately of my sitting down .

I went over my own time limit helping three students, so I’m curious how many will start showing up for more advanced help. It was wonderful to talk with some students about programming in a very non-academic setting. A setting where everyone could be perfectly honest and not feel bashful if they didn’t understand something simple. It is this candid setting I have wanted to promote for some time now. Students will learn better when the material becomes more relevant to them and they are able to be brutally honest about how they view it.

Interestingly enough, all three students were non-CS majors. I’m not entirely sure what that means overall. They are taking a class they don’t need -AND- they are seeking help outside of class hours. That alone is unusual. We also discussed all the concepts on paper and each student hand wrote their own notes, which was surprising to me as well. Overall I left feeling not only accomplished, but impressed. I hope these students return and more follow their example. I think it would help alleviate much of the frustration and anxiety many of them feel about the class.

That said, I was also pretty happy that we went through and wrote a program off the top of our heads. I didn’t write anything out ahead of time, so I was discovering how to solve the homework problem as they were. I think it was helpful for them to see how someone who has more experience thinks through the process and makes changes to the design as the program progressed. They expressed that they understand the concepts of what to do for the homework, but that initial leap into writing it out is whats so challenging. And I agree, it is hard to take idea’s out of your head and phrase them in a way a computer understands, which is why CS majors get the big bucks.

When all was done and I typed the program I came up with into my computer it also worked as intended (minus a few syntax errors), which is always a plus. I would hate to give them an example that I thought would work only to lead them astray. I think that next week, if the students aren’t pressed for time, I’ll try a more Socratic approach and see if they can come up with the ideas for each step.

10.13.08

After the crisis…

Posted in General at 2:42 pm by Nick

Do you think the United States will lose its position as the world’s financial superpower?

This was a question posted at CNN.com. It was very interesting to sit and consider, so this was my response.

With the growth around the world, losing our financial superpower status was inevitable and happened long ago. It isn’t a bad thing, it is just fate. In economics it is known as the Catch-up Effect. We can’t sit alone at the top forever, and it shouldn’t be our goal to do so.

In my opinion, this crisis has changed nothing with respect to our financial standing or leadership. We will always be a strong influence, but we don’t make all the rules or control everything. What is happening now is the economy resetting itself after a bubble burst, and it is entirely normal for the economy to do so. The economy cooling off after a hot run is a painful process where people lose money, which is why everyone is freaking out. When the process is complete, the market will be back to it’s normal levels where it -should- have been during the bubble.

Company’s that do bad business will (and probably deserve to) get hurt. The only difference now is that those businesses are financial and everyone is crying because they are watching their 401k’s disappear. While severely unfortunate, this is the nature of the stock market. You may gain big or lose big. It is the privilege we pay for. If you don’t want to lose your money, tuck it under the mattress, but realize retirement may not be very easy.

As a side note, this was posted as a comment and I found it highly amusing:

A Pledge for Our Times (2008)

I plead collusion to the fraud of the United Socialist States of Amnesia and to the recession for which it stands, one Notion under Debt, unforgiveable, with sub-primes and bailouts for All.