08.28.08
Alas! The Grind Begins Again
I returned from Eagan late Thursday night a mere week ago, thinking of nothing other then how I felt like I blew my presentation. A few quick days passed and now, to my surprise, it is nearly the end of the first week of classes. I’ve been getting plenty of sleep, so it is strange that I am still awake at 3am. Perhaps it is the rain I am listening to. It reminds me of the planes that used to fly over my house in Eagan.
These past few days have been a great time for reflection. I’ve finally had some time to lay down, think, and rest. Despite the rigorous nature of working and going to classes, it is refreshing to embark upon the journey yet again. I hope, like every year, that this one will be better then the past few. I feel that I have set myself up in a much better position this year, despite some obvious obstacles (such as my incomplete). Working less this year will help significantly, though I’ve just been informed two of our four technicians are graduating at the end of this semester. Plus, David is becoming increasingly adamant about an entrepreneurial opportunity, which is a very exciting prospect. But how does it all fit together?
There is a lot to consider over this next year as well. Transferring to the University of Minnesota is on the table, as is finding a full time job and being done with college. Yet I wanted to partake in NaNoWriMo and really get it done this year, and I wanted to spend some time working on my own coding projects. But is there any downtime in there to allow for relaxing, game playing, socializing, or even dating? I fear I’m digging too big of a hole to accomplish as much as I would like.
It is interesting that, with school starting up again, I feel this lonely. There are many people, and truly I am socializing plenty. But going to campus is a constant reminder of the life I lived last year. One short year and being in a relationship has embedded itself into the fabric that makes up who I am, and that scares me. I miss the cuddling, the talking, the routine tasks. I miss the comfort that there would be someone there when I come home at the end of the day. Instead, I come home to an apartment that is still covered in dust, like it was abandoned. I have dishes, homework, and plenty of things to do that don’t even involve anyone. On one hand it is disconcerting to be this lonely, but on the other I can’t help but feel I am certainly being more productive. The question is, is it better to get less done and be happy spending time with someone then to be more productive and spend less time with anyone?
As an aside, somehow my computer managed to blow it’s motherboard. I’m not really sure what caused it (my suspicion is the northbridge was too hot), but it is very unfortunate. I sat down to research what upgrades I might like to make and I realized I’d basically built another computer with many of the things I’d been tossing around in my head (SLI video cards, three monitors, better air flow, etc). Thus, I have opted to merely fix my computer for the time being and I’ll work towards gathering parts for a water cooled, more modern and desirable computer I plan to build next summer. Despite this, I decided to grab a new power supply along with my new motherboard, so I spent four hours taking apart my computer, cutting off the zip ties, and rerouting every single cable. I didn’t even do that when I originally put it together because many of the cables were routed from Dan’s previous setup. It was really nice to dig in and do a task, start to finish, with my hands (not to mention one I’ve wanted to do for a long time now). All of these little things, like doing dishes, picking up, cleaning, cooking… they are all helping me remember why I like this life. I have my own place with my own stuff in which I can spend my time. There is a visible and tangible result to these small actions, so it is very rewarding for me to spend my time doing these things every day. It helps keep me focused and sane.
I also found out my financial aid got mailed to Minnesota. It is kind of amusing (as was that my first paycheck from LM got mailed to Iowa), but mostly irritating. My money seems to be flowing constantly from my pockets. My yearly payment for hosting is due the end of the week, as is rent. I need a host of clothes, cleaning supplies, probably a new wireless router, and now these computer parts. Plus I finally took the plunge and got my textbooks and, at long last, replaced my DVD player with a PS3 (which I had to visit 8 stores to get the one that would play PS2 games). Thus, my bills are mounting, and yet I can only think about getting a new car and/or building a new computer.